Sunday, September 18, 2011

i wish nothing but the best for you.

i sat there,
uncomfortably on a shaking black bench.
i don't know how i got there. 

memories came f l o o d i n g  in throughout the bright windows,
and from underneath the floorboards.
my fingers lazily swayed towards cluttered pieces of paper, and set a few upright
on the dark black stand, directly in front of my eyes. 
the music was scratched with your notes all over it.
the only pieces i have left of you, right before my eyes.

soon enough, my fingers were dancing over glossy white keys,
producing a melody that was so familiar to my soul, it was almost second nature.
my body swayed back and forth, as my fingers took off in flight.
i no longer had control of the emotions that began to rack my soul.
i could hear your voice; your beautiful voice that i had known since
kindergarten, gently whispering throughout the
infectious song, and poking out between the keys.
the pieces of our past slowly molded together, as my mind become
overwhelmed with your old, but familiar, words.
and then i could see your bright blue eyes, gently telling me to
keep on going, and never give up. 
chills frantically ran up and down my spine, 
and my palms began to shake. 

i thought of our 2 hour long phone calls, 
and your car that was the color of the dark blue sea.
i swear i could feel your body right next to mine, kindly showing me
how to properly hold my arms, and curve my fingers.
and then, all at once, it was too much.
my heart began pounding so quickly, that i could hardly breathe.
my hands stopped, as my eyes slowly swelled up,
until i could no longer see the sheet music, only a mere two feet
in front of my face. 
i quickly slammed the piano cover over the bright white keys, 
and fled from the room that contained so many delicate memories.
i was quickly reminded why i have no strength to play anymore.

you say rise above it, 
but i can't.



  1. Only about a week ago I decided to play the piano I had not touched in three years. I felt like this - my fingers remembered although my mind could not, and the memories came running back. I thought of how I used to sing my heart out there, and I especially thought of a long lost friend who once sang next to me. I haven't seen her in four years now, but sometimes I am reminded of how we would share our closest dreams and deepest insecurities. We were nothing alike and yet we could have been the same person.

    That was a long way of saying that your writing is beautiful.


  2. Though this may be very difficult, think of these memories more as precious, happy moments than to think of how it all fell apart. Think of this as just a mere learning experience, a picture in the mind, just a memory that took place in this test called life, for in just a short while these moments will be but a speck of dust in an ocean of sand, and this pain that dwells inside will exist no longer.

  3. My dear Ashley, I have no words. I just want to read this over and over again. I want to put it in my heart and remember each lines. You are beautiful even if you feel lost.

    And I miss you.


Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.