Monday, December 16, 2013

False hearts.

The words felt so heavy in my throat.
It's as if they didn't want to come out. 
But this is how it had to be, certainly it was meant to be.
At least that's what he told me.

I shuffled my feet and looked at the ground.
"You are so much better than him." 
The words painfully lurched out of my mouth, 
and the pit in my stomach grew larger and larger. 
"He'll never be half of the man that you are."

My heart sunk into my toes. 
I had never heard anything so false and repulsive.
There was absolutely no sincerity behind my words.
I couldn't say anything more. 

He glanced at me with such hope, but as soon as I lifted my head and 
he looked at my eyes, his excitement slowly faded.
I tried to hide my confusion, but I couldn't. 
I thought this was how it was going to be. 

As I looked into his eyes, I was overcome with
such a strong emotion of  pure and sincere love.
I thought my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. 
It's as if the act of my lies brought about so much truth.
Truth that I had tried so hard to ignore.

But the love I felt wasn't for the boy sitting in front of me.
I wasn't in the right place at all.
I stared at the musty green table and I knew
from that moment on that I would never be the same.

I knew that we wouldn't make it through the winter.
Or even to the Thanksgiving dinner that we had talked about.

I knew that the boy I truly loved
was miles and miles away. 

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