Sunday, June 5, 2011

i have a long list of things to tell you, but let's leave it at: you amaze me.

as the sun brightly shines, my heart is filled with
so many emotions, and my mind is flooded
with complex words that will never
pass my quivering lips.
i don't want this to be over.
this was the only place i could run to
when the battles were too hard, and the
demons refused to slip away.
this place may have seemed like a dungeon at times,
with hateful faces and bitter hearts,
but within the mess of anger, there was beauty
that shimmered throughout the halls
and within the hearts of the few good people who roamed there.

as i float around, quietly saying my goodbyes
to the familiar faces that have left footprints upon my
shattered heart, i can't help
but notice you, every single place you go.
oh please, won't you come at least say something to me?
i can't gather up the courage, or think of the right words to say out of my
foolish mouth.

and there you were.
weaving in and out of the choatic mess of eager high school students;
hands flying over shiny pages, printing
their inner thoughts that will soon be put on a shelf,
and never looked at again anytime soon.
as i continued to fight myself,
you walked further and further down the flooded hall.
my mind was racing and my heart was screaming,
as you awkwardly turned my way.
for a moment, our eyes met, and my decision was made.
now i had to go.
i looked like a complete fool.
my feet took control as my mind continued to scream at me.
before i knew it, i was fumbling towards you, as my hands
began to shake.
i came so close to you, as words began pouring out of my mouth.
a smile crept along my face as your gentle smile silently greeted me.
before i knew it, you were scribbling words inside of my
yearbook, as my hands tried to open yours.
i had no idea what to write, as millions of thoughts danced around my head.
what i truly wanted to do was scribble all of my thoughts all over the page and
tell you just how remarkable and lovely you are to me,
or maybe say something about our similar love for regina spektor,
or something about slaying hordes of the un-dead...
or maybe even that your smile was the best thing i'd ever seen.
but, i knew very well that would be a huge mistake.
so, i settled for something simple, as i sloppily spilled
words over the blank white page.
my hands were shaking violently, and my fingers were tense, but somehow
i manged to write out:

"{Insertnamehere} - English was pretty great!
You are such an amazing writer!
And lemon sorbet may or may not be the best thing ever!
I hope you have an amazing summer!
Love, Ashley."

and i scribbled my cursed phone number along the bottom.
as i walked away, with a beautiful farewell smile from you,
my whole body began shaking as my friends
eager faces waited for me.
i finally did it.
but as i walked away, i looked at you one last time over my shoulder
i ached to scream at you...

"please, don't forget me."



  1. Ah, I'm so happy for you Ashley! If anyone deserved this, it was you! I remember somewhat long ago when you took me to that beautiful spot of yours with the beautiful view of the valley, and we sat on the green grass and talked about that man and his quirks, and if you guys would ever become friends... and look at you now! What a huge step forward. From the book group in English class to the lemon sorbet surprise, and blog comment after blog comment... you've reached a high point, on the very last day. :) And I can only imagine that it feels wonderful, considering your feelings for him... :)

    I'm so glad you went up to him. That's one more thing that you won't ever have to regret. :)

    And dear, there's no way he could ever forget you. Not with all that's happened... and what might happen in the future... ;)


  2. Well done.
    How could he forget you?
    Your words, so carefully chosen, so beautifully crafted.
    The work of an angel.
    Noone could forget your light.

  3. I missed your beautiful writing, your lovely confessions.
    You're a beautiful person.


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Your words mean so much to me.