Sunday, May 27, 2012

Disrespect my silence.

It's just so frustrating.
So unbelievably irritating.

That all I have 
are these stupid, 
and pathetic words,
that wind around and around
throughout my mind,
and pound within my heart.

I just sit and write,
and write,
and write,
but it's all just garbage.
Worthless piles of words,
sitting lifelessly on the top of a page.
Nobody listens to me.
Nobody listens to anyone anymore; that's too cliche.
Too mainstream. 

But after all, why would they?
Why would they listen to me?
Some stupid teenage girl? 
Who am I to them?
Wasted space.
Not even the dust on their shoes.
I am no one. 
No one but an impostor,
 trying so painfully hard to be someone
that I'm just not. 

I don't know where I stand, 
so how could they?
I seek so diligently, 
so passionately,
 with everything I am,
to find out who I am, through others.
But that isn't right.
They don't have any of the answers.
But, neither do I.
I'm never right.
All I have are these bones 
and these eyes, 
and this heart.

These bones that weigh me down, 
but don't allow me to sink.
They sit so delicately, 
but take on endless amounts of pressure,
day by day,
week after week, 
and month upon month. 
These stupid eyes that have seen so much.
Too much;
Yet, they can't even win over the most foolish of men.
They are worthless.
All they do is spill pools of water over my 
battered and uneven skin.
Marked with black and all kinds of processed materials,
they serve no real purpose, but to keep me human.

And then my stupid heart.
My stupid, foolish, idiotic heart. 
It falls too quickly out of my chest,
and can almost never seem to find its way back in. 
It glides effortlessly and foolishly into the wrong hands;
only to be returned 
bruised and battered 
by some idiot's twisted ways. 

But here I sit.
And here I wait.
Wishing, praying, hoping, 
for someone to hear me. 

But I've never given anybody a reason to.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you have bones - otherwise you would be like a jelly fish...weird. Plus, they make up your serving hands which helps others. You have grown up so much in the past few years - I'm proud of you. You looked gorgeous today!

    I love the way you see the world. You have such an interesting insight into the world around you. You see things with a different perspective. Despite you own personal challenges, you see ways to love and serve others, listening and helping them through their challenges. You are so strong in the face of adversity.
    I love you heart. I've watched your love and compassion for people grow as you struggle with your own challenges. There is always room in your heart for others in need. Your soul is full of faith and hope in the big picture. Your heart is sensitive to the directions of the Spirit and love of the Lord. Your tender heart is what makes you YOU. I would never want that kind, loving, tender heart blackened and hardened. I love you just the way you are!


Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.