Sunday, July 1, 2012

I never gave you the words you needed to hear.

Once upon a time, a good friend of mine was asking me questions,
and I asked them what they'd say to me if I was dying at this very moment, and they had two minutes to say anything.
They asked me the same question back...
But, I didn't answer.

So, here you go.

Here's my answer.
(Turn back, now.)

"There are millions of things that I could say to you, but there aren't enough words to describe just how incredible you are, to me. From the moment I met you, you completely amazed me. The way you could talk about things on such a deep and understanding level just absolutely blew my mind. I constantly found myself wanting to talk to you about things that had been stuffed into the corners of my chatoic mind, because I had never been able to talk to anyone like I could talk to you. I truly have never met anyone like you.  You possed, and still posses, so many good characterisitcs and remarkable traits that I feared were quickly becoming extinct wihtin our generation. You have such a sweet and caring side of you, yet you always knew how to make me laugh, and you always made me forget that I even had troubles, and dark monsters running throughout my mind. You always tried to help me see the positive things in whatever I was going through. There were so many days and so many nights where I was so close to giving in, and shutting down completely... But somehow I'd always find myself talking to you; you saved me every time. You never gave up on me, and you'll never know how much that means to me. Unfortunately, I never could seem to make it up to you. I always fell so far behind. I wish I could've always been there for you, like you were, for me. I wish I could've saved you from so much of the heart-wrenching pain that you suffered through. But I let things get in the way. I was selfish. I wish, with every fiber of my being, that I could've made you as insanely happy as you made me. But, I supppose I'm just wasn't cut out for that. I'm so beyond grateful that I was able to have you as a friend. More grateful than you'll ever understand. You've had a huge impact on my life, and I swear I will never forget you, or even some of the things you've said to me. You truly are one of the most remarkable souls I have ever come in contact with, and I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss having someone to always run to when life gets bitter and dark. I'm going to miss your long hugs. I'm going to miss every single little thing about you. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to make it without you, but somehow I'll keep going. I know that's what you'd want me to do. If none of that made any sense, and I just sound like a jumbled mess, just know that I love you. I really do. I always have, and I can promise you that I always will."  

(Try to pretend I could say that in two minutes, k?)


  1. i miss reading your beautiful words, and oh my this is really beautiful. two minutes can be crucial xx

  2. Ashley. This is absolutely incredible. Every word is lovely, beautiful, and real, just like you. :) This post makes me feel emotional, happy, and hopeful all at the same time. I think you did a wonderful job of showing all your feelings for this person. They must feel pretty special :) Well done. You never cease to amaze me.


Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.