Monday, April 1, 2013

It was easy once I figured it out.

It was absolute torture to sit there and dreadfully watch lifeless bubbles pop on and off of the blaring cell phone screen.
He was in pain, and I couldn't help him or comfort him.
Not yet, at least. 
I had a million other things to do:
Finish the essays.
Run to the classroom.
Fix your make-up, you look barbaric.
Go with Phil.
Be a good friend.
Help your Mother.
Drive to Walmart.
Drive back from Walmart.
Run to Roxberry.

And then finally, I arrived.
He didn't look nearly as bad as most people do, but I could see the distress and exhaustion within his beautiful blue eyes. I instantly wanted to keep him beside me for days, until he finally felt better.
We crawled up on the large bed and laid gently beside each other, while watching movies that filled my childhood, and enhanced my youth.
As I got closer to him, I couldn't stop my mind from racing to the future.
What if this is how it would be forever?
What if this really is the person I'm supposed to be with?
The longer I laid beside him, the more I realized how badly I wanted this in my future.
Not only this, I wanted him.
It was hard not to watch him all of the time, while I was supposed to be staring at the screen.
I've always been taught that it's not polite to stare, but he was just so remarkable to me. Everything about him was so beautiful.
How I could not stare?
Every single freckle on his face just made me love him more.
I could quite honestly stare at him for hours, and never get bored.

Occasionally he would glance at me.
Sometimes he would gently kiss my cheek or my forehead.
While selfishly enjoying these gestures of affection, I thought to myself,
Shouldn't I be doing this, for him?
After all, he was the one in pain.
I would do the same to him, yet he would still continue to do the same to me.
Despite my efforts, I realized that's just who he is.
No matter the well-being of his physical state, he would still be sweet to me.
That's just the way he loves me.

Due to severe stress and exhaustion, I caught myself falling asleep when I got too comfortable and too close to him. I couldn't stop myself.
At one point my, with my eyes closed, he gently stroked my cheek and then softly kissed it.

"You're so beautiful", he whispered.

And if only for five seconds, I believed it.
I believed it with every fiber of my being.
But, only beause that is how he made me feel...

Absolutely beautiful.


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