Thursday, November 11, 2010

even angels have their wicked schemes.

i'm just not good enough for you.
i'm not pretty enough.
i'm not smart enough.
i'm not caring enough.
i'm not kind enough.
i'm not amazing enough, or even amazing at all.
i'm not cool enough.
i'm not
skinny enough...

i'm just worthless to you.

i literally feel like crawling into my bed, and never coming out.
what's the point in getting up? it won't make me good enough for you.

day by day, i sit and stare at myself aimlessly in the mirror.
i see a girl.
a sick, horrible, awful, sad excuse of a human being.
my face is too rigid, my hair is dried up and flat, my legs are too big, my stomach is bluging, my eyes are repulsive, and my smile makes me queasy.
i see a girl who will
never be good enough for you.
i see a girl who will
never be good enough for anyone, for that matter.
i see a girl who simply will
never be good enough for herself.

so i'll lay my head down tonight on my frigid cold pillow, and silently think on just how horrible i really am.
as tears start to roll down my pathetic face, i'll think of you and how badly you would mock me if you were here.
i'll begin to toss and turn in hopes that maybe, just maybe...

i won't ever wake up.

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