Friday, November 19, 2010

long were the nights when my days once revolved around you.

You told me you loved me,
so why did you go away?
I do recall now, the smell of the rain,
fresh on the pavement.
I can still feel your arms
All that I know is I don't know
how to be something you miss.
I never imagined we'd end like this

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep.
And I feel you will forget me like I used to feel you breathe...
I'll keep up with our old friends,
just to ask them how you are.
I hope the sun shines, and it's a beautiful day,
and something reminds you that you wish you had stayed.
You can plan for a change in the weather and time...
But, I never planned on you changing your mind.

i can't go through a single day anymore without thinking of you, or wishing more than anything that you were still here. almost every little single thing i see, and everywhere i go, there's something that reminds me about you. it makes my heart ache, and sometimes almost brings tears to my eyes.

reminders of you:
-school. people at school. classes. everything dealing with school.
-pier 49.
-snoasis. even just the old hollow building that it turns into during the winter.
-the cemetery.
-papa murphy's commercials.
-cotton candy. the actual stuff, the smell, flavorings, etc.
-david archuleta.
-vitamin water.
-modern houses.
-shows on hgtv.
-home architectures.
-the piano.
-johnny depp.
-the busy intersection by kohler's.
-imogen heap.
-death cab for cutie.
-driver's ed textbooks.
-italian ice.
-old couples.
-couples in general.
-salt lake.
-dish soap.
-the sound of your voice echoing throughout the hallways.
-the thought of your smile.

believe me, this list could go on for hours.
people say you've changed.
people tell me i'm so much better off without you.
yes, i can see that. that's the only reason i got so upset and forced myself to walk away. while i may blame myself for letting you go... i had no choice. you invaded my soul with so much darkness and despair... i couldn't let you control me anymore. i just had to break free...

but as of right now...
i'd rather have you here, even if it meant it would cause me sadness.

everything reminds me of you, and i can't handle it anymore.
i want to let go of you, and set myself free.
but i just can't...

i love you too much...

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