Monday, December 13, 2010

for the first time, i can open my eyes, and see the world without my sorrows. no one knows the pain i've left behind.

"i never thought i'd doubt you.
i'm better off without you,
more than you know.
i'm slowly getting closure; i guess it's really over.
i'm finally getting better.
i'm picking up the pieces, and spending all of my days putting my heart back together..."

i've sat and contemplated my recent choices many, many times. almost every bad choice i've made recently has turned into some of the worst regrets. i sit and mope around about how horrible i am so much that it's become a daily routine. my mind is constantly focused on you and how much i miss you.
but i'm tired of it.
really, i am. i can't handle it anymore. this constant sadness is becoming more of a nuisance that is more distracting, than painful. i can't focus on anything but the pain you've caused me, or the memories we shared. but why should i care anymore?
you moved on.
our friendship is dead and gone.
you're never coming back, whether i like it or not.
i need to move on, and set myself free. i can't spend one more moment locked in your chamber of sadness and depression.
i'm open to walking alone, and having no one beside me to support me, or hold me up when i stumble along the past, as i'm sure i will.

..but... i don't have to.
he came along, and changed every single thing.
he threw me o f f b a l a n c e, and turned my whole world upside down.
he is oh so wonderful, and everything i need right now.
it seems odd to me that he has such a caring heart, and a complex mind. i never would've guessed, based on what i see of him. but once i got to know him on a different level, i discovered how truly unique he is.
he understands so much of what i'm going through, and bends over backwards just to get me to talk to him. he actually cares. he has all these amazing thoughts locked up inside of his mind, and when he shares them, they make him so much more amazing to me. he has helped me finally shut the door on my broken past, and helped me to slowly move on. he's one of the best friends i have right now, and can always put a smile on my face, no matter what day it is. he's there whenever i need him, without hesitation or second thoughts. he's shown me that it's okay to let go, and put everything behind me. he is the strength i so desperately ache for, and the love i so eagerly want to be surrounded with.
he is perfectly imperfect. and i am so glad i know him.

i don't get it. i don't understand why he cares so much, but maybe someday i will.
all i know, is that he is magnificent, and gives me hope that i can overcome this, and take this situation, and turn it from sadness to strength.

how could i not overcome this, when i have him right by my side?


  1. Oh Ashley. One day, I will paint a beautiful landscape of glitter and gold and all the lovely trinkets and treasures you bring into the world, I will show it to you, and you will see all the wonderful little wonders you indeed bring, to this life.
    You are so much more than you know.

  2. That sounds lovely. But I'm afraid it wouldn't be filled with much. I have next to nothing to offer to the world, and I think I do more harm than good these days.
    You are wonderful. Thank you for the comment.


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