Monday, February 14, 2011

you're all i want. you're all i need; you're everything.

"You, by the light, is the greatest find; in a world full of wrong,
you're the thing that's right.
I finally made it through the lonely, to the other side.
You set it again, my heart's in motion;
every word feels like a s h o o t i n g star.
I'm at the edge of my emotions, watching the shadows burning in the dark.
And... I'm in love.
And I'm terrified.
So, don't you doubt what I've been dreaming,
'cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I'm without you."

he always drove me insane, from the minute i saw him.
oh, how even just his name made me cringe.
he made the most irrelevant comments in class, and he sometimes made strange sounds that made me want to take my fist and jam it into his head. but yet i always noticed him. i noticed the way he would bounce his knees when he wanted to say something, almost like a little child, eager to be heard.
his immaturity wasn't hard to find, and it was almost impossible to believe he could posses any knowledge or intelligence. yet there he was, in honors english.
we have blogs for english class that we post on weekly, and we had to add each other so we could view one another's blogs. i remember sitting at the noisy bright computer, and looking up at the pale white-board with bright blue writings all over it. there i saw his username. but of course, i was completely unaware that it was his. it was silly and childish, and i even remember myself saying, "wow. who is that?"
but i was completely unaware of how his blog would affect me.
and i had no idea how he would affect me.

it started out with multiple comments from him on all of my posts.
he would say the most random, but outstanding things.
one day i finally decided to try to figure everything out, and discover who this mysterious "blog stalker" was. i searched high and low on his blog; throughout all of his posts, and comments begging to know who he was. but i was at a loss, and couldn't find even the slightest of hints within his words. but i discovered his sheer beauty and elegance in his writings. he wrote of such wonderful, yet silly things. but everything he wrote about, he somehow made absolutely beautiful. i spent countless hours, fiddling through his posts, and losing myself in his words that flowed so perfectly together.
i ached to know who he was.

one day in class, around christmas time, i remember walking into class and seeing him and his friend talking around his desk, which was exactly diagonal to mine. we were only a few feet away from each other. i slammed my heavy backpack full of binders and textbooks down on my desk, and angrily pulled out a pencil to write with. i was angry for reasons i can't remember. i turned around to sit down, and he waved at me. extremely confused, i gave him a puzzled look and simply said, "what's up?" oh, good one ashley. good one. that's very graceful and welcoming. but i mean, i didn't even know him. he was just some annoying kid that sat right behind me. i didn't understand why he would wave at me.
but now i know...

in class a few days later, he was forced to read a paper he had written about some topic which i can't remember. as he spat the words out of his mouth, my soul was filled with joy and unknown beauty. his words were so perfect and remarkable. where was this coming from? did he pay someone to write his paper for him? it was flawless, and un-like anything i had ever heard before. once he ended with his last word, the class roared with applause. he sat down as his face slowly went red, and faded to pink. our teacher, who was a substitute at the time, stood up and said how wonderful his writing was, and how much she had enjoyed it. and then the girl directly behind me shouted, "YOU SHOULD READ HIS BLOG! it's called {insertblognamehere}"

into my toes.
that was the title of the blog i had been reading for weeks on end.
no, no. there was no way it was possible. it couldn't be him. it just simply couldn't be him. he was stupid and foolish. he wasn't the genius behind the blog that i spent so many hours reading and pondering. but yet, he was... as i looked over my shoulder and to the right a little bit, i saw him sitting there. and i never before had seen someone so remarkably beautiful and dazzling as he was. "so it's you..." i said under my breath almost silently. "it's you..."

from that moment on, he's stopped commenting on my various rambling posts. but i still read his constantly, and find myself checking his blog more than i should. he amazes me beyond explanation, and has completely changed my outlook on him.
suddenly he's a sparkling diamond, shining bright colors and light into my soul. his hair falls so perfectly against his forehead, and his eyes seem to reach into my soul, and fill my heart with an unknown joy that only he could give me. every time i even pass him in the hallways, my breathing pattern becomes long and slow, and i watch him in awe as he floats down the blank tiled floors. he is so beautiful and elegant in everything he does. every word that pours out of his soul and onto his blog amazes me more than i ever thought was possible... and quite frankly, i have found myself mixing up a strange amount of strong feelings for this man i hardly know. but through his words, he has become more and more attractive to me in every single way. and i just can't ignore it anymore.

so tomorrow, i'm giving him a late valentine. it is somewhat of an inside joke you could say; it would only make sense to us. i'm so excited to do it. i've got everything set up for it, and my english teacher even agreed to help me with it. i want him to be my friend. i want us to become those storybook friends that everyone dreams of having. i know it may be impossible, but i can still dream, can't i?

he's just too wonderful for me to let him slip through my fingers, like the grains of sand on a warm beach.
he could be just what i need; my diamond in the rough. my hero in disguise...
or even my undercover angel.

and maybe, just maybe we could become something oh, so beautiful.


happy valentine's day, all of you lovely people. i hope it was absolutely wonderful for each of you.
you certainly deserve it.


  1. Oh Ashley,
    this post of yours made me smile. Somehow the mystery of unknown and excitement of finding out relates to me. You are such a wonderful soul and I believe that it is possible for you two to be those friends everybody dreams of having. And like you said, maybe, just maybe you can be something more. Secret soul mates, your love hidden in your writings, in your words, implied meanings and real emotions hidden behind them. I absolutely enjoyed reading this.

    ~ Meg

  2. Ashleeeeeyyyy!!!!!!!! This is so beautiful! Your post made my heart smile, and beat faster than it usually does... Oh, you pretty. I'm just so happy, reading everything you wrote, how i wish i could be there and hug you right now. I feel so excited on what will happen next. And yes, I'm looking forward to your next post! Haha.

    Stay smiling, dear. You deserve every happiness in this world. :)

    *hugs* love you.

  3. Thank you so much for your comment:) I hope that your valentine was well received. I am so happy that you had the courage to send it. I hope that I can draw on your bravery. You are an amazing writer

  4. Meg; Thank you! Goodness, where have you been all of my life? I love your comments. They bring so much joy to my soul and just make my day. Thank you so, so much for your wonderful words, and advice. You are incredible, my dear. I love you!

    Haze; Oh dear, how I love you. I absolutely adore your comments, and you. You are so beautiful. Thank you for your words. I'm excited to write my next post... (: Haha. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Bella; You, my dear are lovely. Thank you. <3

    Wings to set me free; I couldn't help myself! You're amazing. I hope yours was too. Thank you for the comment. You're wonderful!


Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.