Sunday, February 13, 2011

you scream, "take it away. i can't take the pain."

Dear Ashley,
Please, just hear me out before you go through with this. I know your life has been really rough lately, and your soul has been shattered into a million pieces. Your parents fight constantly, and you don't even want to go home some days... Your friends have almost all slipped away due to your constant sadness, and you feel completely alone every second of each day. So, you just don't feel like trying anymore. You feel like giving in, and giving up. Life has become an un-necessary burden that is much to heavy for your shoulders to carry. I can see it in you. Everyone can. I can tell by the way you talk and act. Your sweet and kind words that used to flow out of your mouth, have turned sour. I can see behind that mask you put on everyday; full of fake smiles and whispered lies. When you write in class, I can see the scars on your wrists, poking out beneath your long sleeve shirts. You cringe and bow your head when someone talks about suicide, or
anything like unto it. But most of all, your bright and beautiful smile has slowly faded away, and become non-existent. I can see your pain. I can see the constant battles you fight with yourself each and every day. I want you to know that I'm here. Even if you don't need me, and don't care, I am still here. I love you more than you'll ever know. I always have, and I always will. Can't you see how beautiful you are? Can't you see the talent oozing out of you? Your soul is so remarkably beautiful, and you have so much potential. Ending your life will destroy everything, and you'll never get a second chance. People care about you. They truly do, even if you don't want to believe it. Even though your parents fight, and fill your soul with such terror, they adore you. It hurts me so badly to know that you're blinded by lies and hatred. But what hurts even more is knowing that you would even consider taking your own life. There's so many other ways to handle this, than jumping to death. You can get help, or talk to almost anyone. Death simply is not the answer. You have too much to offer the world to just throw it all away. Think about all of the people you would leave behind... Think about your Mom... She can hardly go without you for six hours. You can't leave her. Especially not wih everything your Dad puts her through. You bring so much goodness to the world; please, please, believe it... Once you pull the plug, there's no turning back. You're too remarkable to slip away from this corrupted world. You give it beauty and grace. Don't take that away. Let's work through this, together. I love you far too much to see you completely destroy everything...


oh, how i've dreaded doing this assignment..
i've pushed it aside a million times, and tried to make it magically disappear.
but it's due tomorrow morning, first hour. i figured i couldn't escape it anymore.
in health class on thursday, we had a big discussion on suicide. i was shaky and uncomfortable on the subject..
over the summer, thoughts of suicide ran through my head almost constantly, and never left me alone. so of course it was very un-easy for me. but we got an assignment to write a letter to an imaginary friend who was considering suicide... and then the teacher suggested maybe even writing it to yourself if you had ever felt that way.. so i did just that. and this was my out come.

it's really kind of opened my eyes to just how serious it is, and how badly it used to devour my soul. i'm glad i'm becoming happy with myself, and letting others help me.

i just thought i'd share this with you.
i hope you all had a lovely, and wonderful sunday.



  1. That is amazing, you will ace health class!
    looking forward to hearing what your teacher says!

  2. The letter is beautiful. I've done something like this once, writing a letter to myself. It was helpful. It helped me see what I normally ignore. I am glad it sort of opened your eyes because whatever you might think, you are beautiful and people care about you.

    ~ Meg

  3. dear Ashley,
    I am just so happy upon reading this letter... Yes, you are too remarkable to slip away from this world. It needs you, and so does the people who loves you... Be strong, love. A little bit more, and everything will be fine. Wait and see. Take care. And smile.
    love, haze♥

  4. This is beautiful; heart-wrenchingly beautiful.
    I cried.
    Oh Ashley. You are, a beautiful soul.

  5. Savanna; thank you for your kind words. (: I absolutely love health. I hope I get a good grade on this assignment (:

    Meg; Thank you so much. I'm glad to know i'm not the only person who has done this. Thank you for your words. Oh, you are so wonderful.

    Haze; my love, thank you. I love you. Your words are so helpful to me, and you bring such happiness into my soul. Thank you, thank you.

    Bella; Oh my lovely little Bella, thank you. I'm sorry that I made you cry, but I'm sure it was for good and not bad. You should look at yourself more often my dear; your soul is breathtaking.


Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.