Saturday, March 26, 2011

i am in love with what we are.

my heart pounded a million miles per hour as excitement jumped throughout my veins and echoed within my bones. i had to get out of here. it was time; i had gotten caught up with a previous activity i was required to attend. i raced anxiously out of the building, throwing my goodbyes over my shoulder as i slowly faded away to a place i had ached to go to for so many years.

we drove along the busy highway as cars flew by us on each side. their bright and blurry headlights shone throughout the dark beautiful night, illuminating the dark and cold pavement. seconds seemed to turn into years, and i found myself anxiously tapping my fingers gently on my lopsided kneecap.
we were almost there.

when we finally arrived, i hesitantly sat in my seat, and contemplated whether or not to just text him to come out, or physically go get him. clearly, i was going to go get him. i slowly pulled back the door handle on the door and forced myself to walk. i hopped up the porch steps, and almost forgot how to breathe. i still couldn't believe that this was happening; good things like this never happened to me. i knocked on the door, and felt my heart skip a few beats. what was he going to think of me? i heard him speak softly through the door, alerting the house that he was leaving. my hands began to shake, as the doorknob began to turn. i tilted my head downwards, and began to stare at my anxious feet. the door opened, and my head shot up in excitement as the biggest smile i've felt in ages slowly crept along my face. i saw him, standing there in complete perfection, and quickly threw my arms around him. i didn't care if he wasn't expecting it, or didn't want it. my heart took over my mind, and nothing else seemed to matter.

"BROCK!" i screamed in sheer happiness and joy.
"Hey!," he replied a little bit shocked.
i buried my head in his firm chest, as i fully took in his presence.
"it's so good to finally see you." i silently whispered.
"it's good to see you, too." he said, as i finally let go of him.
i lead him to the car as happiness flowed continuously into my broken and shattered soul.

we spent the night walking around various places that really held no interest to either of us. we seemed to lose ourselves in conversation, seeing as we hadn't seen each other in a little over two years. we talked about anything from meaningless school dances to school situations and family struggles. there was never an awkward or silent moment while we spent time with each other. it felt so natural, and so easy to talk to him. i felt as if i had been his good friend for years on end, when in reality i didn't hardly talk to him when he lived here. he had a certain charm within his words that made me like him even more than i originally had. his eyes sparkled underneath the dark black sky, and his breathtaking soul shone throughout the night, leaving the stars absolutely speechless. everywhere we went he treated me with so much tender kindness and amazing respect. i was so used to being pushed around and disrespected. it felt nice to have someone beside me who i felt truly cared about me, and what i was saying. there wasn't a single second i spent with him that i wasn't smiling from ear to ear.
he was even more beautiful than i thought he was.

he showed me how to be happy again.

as the end grew closer, and time moved faster, i found myself walking up to the porch once more, with him right beside me. we walked in silence, but i finally spat out words that i desperately needed him to hear.
"it was so wonderful seeing you again--"
i was about to say more, but he cut me off abruptly.
"it was wonderful seeing you, too. thank you for letting me hang out with you."
i silently continued to smile, and replied with a simple, "you're more than welcome."
we arrived on the dreaded porch, as he silently turned to face me and locked his eyes right on mine. i sighed deeply as my shoulders sunk in reply.

"well, i'll see you this summer," he quietly whispered. i could tell he noticed the slight melancholy look hidden behind my pleasant expression.
i looked straight up at him, and took in all of his beauty.
oh, how i wished i could just stay in that moment forever.
"you better." i said, as a slight nervous laugh jumped out of my throat.
he opened his arms as i quickly clutched onto him for dear life; i had no plan of letting go any time soon, and neither did he. we stood there in that wonderful embrace for a few seconds as millions of thoughts ran throughout my mind. it seemed so miraculous to me that i was here, still. not because i couldn't believe that i was seeing him, but that i was seeing the remarkable person he had turned into. two years ago, if you would have told me that this extraordinary soul would be one of my best friends, the person that i trusted more than anyone else in this world, and someone i went to for anything and everything, i would have shot you dead. he was so ridiculously immature and one of the meanest people i knew of. but time and beauty had healed his anger, and surfaced out his confused soul.
the outcome was just breathtaking.

"you should text me, sometime." i mumbled.
he spoke softly, so as not to ruin the moment, "i will definitely text you."
we stood there for only a few more seconds as the chilly winter air danced around our fragile bodies. i wanted to stay this way forever. i felt so welcome and loved within his strong arms and warm embrace.
he was just so perfect...

he slowly pulled away, as if something had bound us together, that refused to come apart without a forceful effort. he looked straight down at me as our eyes slowly met once more.
"see you later," he whispered, almost breathlessly.
"bye," i somehow choked out.
i watched him walk inside the home, as i walked down the porch steps one last time. i silently glided back to the car, as happiness quietly healed me, and joy engulfed my broken heart.

i texted him a few minutes later, thanking him for the absolutely wonderful evening, and telling him how much it had meant to me. and yes, i apologized for looking like such a man.
his simple reply was,

"I had a really good time! It was soooo good seeing you, too.
You don't look like a man! You looked beautiful."

that boy is something else, i tell you.
i feel beyond blessed to be able to call him one of my best friends.
i can't wait until this summer.



  1. This is beautiful. The way you write... there's just something about it that's moving. You are completely fantastic, and I really like your blog. Have a lovely day.


  2. Awwww. Ashley! What a wonderful experience. I'm so happy for you! There's nothing like seeing a special friend after being apart from them for so long. He obviously had fun too. It's good to hear that you were both at peace, even if only during that time. I bet he can't wait to see you again too. Just a little bit more till summer, my dear. :)


  3. darling!!!!!! how i love seeing you smile! i'm so glad you are back!♥ summer is approaching soon! :D

  4. For this post, I'd follow your blog all over again. Bless your friendship!


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