Thursday, March 31, 2011

i can't keep up with your turning tables...

breathe in deep, and s l o w; out and in.
it still hurts.
when will the healing begin?

save me.
take away this darkening pain.
drive the menacing demons straight
out of my tortured soul,
and make my heart feel whole again.

can't you see these gaping
that line my soul?
can't you feel how my heart
has silently turned cold?

i hide it so well
behinds lies and fake smiles.
i laugh and joke,
while my soul simply mocks me;
i am such a coward to believe
something could actually
help me.

where were you
that ice cold night, when
all i needed was a small
amount of hope?
you weren't there to help me
with all of this loss, and never
taught me how to cope.

tell me things will
be okay, when i grow old.
show me how to forget,
and live without all of these deep
hold me close, and
don't let go.
show me what it's like
to live without fear,
and gently wipe away my tears.

stop taking pills
and intoxicating your mind.
don't you see the damage
you've done?
we're all s h a t t e r e d and broken
due to your careless acts,
and at the rate you're going,
things will never go back to normal.

surely you must know,
down inside,
that you have to swallow your pride,
before it swallows your
heart and mind whole.
don't feed me lies;
you're only igniting the

where do i turn now,
with my head up in the clouds?
not a single person to lean on,
or a father to run to,
as i'm secretly going through

i have myself, and it seems
that is all.
day by day i simply
watch myself
further and further throughout
the endless sky.
what's the use in trying
to save such a worthless heart?

i can't handle this
much longer.
engulf me with lies, if that's what it takes;
at least it will subside the pain
tell me that someday, i will find a home
i can actually feel comfortable in.
tell me that i'll have a place to call my own,
with no anchors to weigh me down.
tell me someone will care, and show me
how to repair all of my broken down parts.
tell me i don't have to be scared,
and that someone out there cares.
tell me that i can learn to love again,
despite all the hatred that flows throughout
my ears daily.

but most of all,

just tell me i won't always feel so alone.


  1. i'm here for you always, ashley... please, stay strong... and please remember that you are not alone... please believe that everything will be okay in the end... my heart is drowning with thoughts of you, dear... if only i could send myself to you so i could hug you right now, and let you know that the pain will soon go away. :'(

  2. Haze is right... you are not alone, my dear. You've been forced to endure a constant pain for so long, but even the thickest, blackest of storm-clouds fade into glistening rainbows in the end, if we are patient...

    The pain will fade. Slowly, but surely. And your wishes will come true. You will be successful, happy, comfortable, and completely in love with a man who loves you just as much and sees you as his whole world. You will be surrounded by countless friends who will tell you how special you are every single day and what a gift you are to this world. Your true talents will shine through, just like your magnificent inner and outer beauty.

    It's NOT an illusion. It's a future that you deserve, and will experience when the time comes. For now, please stay as strong as you have shown yourself to be in the face of all this chaotic negativity. We will help you in any way we can to reach that bright new future that is not so far off as you might think...

    Love you forever Ashley, and we're here for you.


  3. You're not alone... and you won't always feel like this, alone, not cared for. But you are, even if you can't see it. I love you Ash, and you have saved me from so many things. I'm sorry I can't do the same for you.

    You are the one who is going to come out of this hell a better and even more beautiful person than you are right now (if that is even possible). We're all here for you. We all love you and want the best for you. Hold on Ashley, you can make it through and you can become even stronger.
    Please believe me when I say I love you.

  4. Dun wry gal !!

    Evrythng wud b back to normal...jst dnt loose hope ever...

    god bless ya...


Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.