Monday, May 2, 2011

my head is spinning, and i can't hear your voice.

Days pass by, and the ticking
hands of the clock threaten my
very existence.
Time doesn't slow down for anyone.

Feelings change,
and moods swing freely
in the cool, spring air.
We fear how we feel inside,
and shelter our hopes and dreams.
We shouldn't be this way.
Where do I go from here?

You're so close.
Too close.
I've let you in so far,
and you didn't even bother
to kindly knock.
You barged right in with your
charming smile and
sweetly spun words.

Look what you've done.

My soul aches to
hear your voice,
and my heart is silently
pleading for your warm embrace.
What happens when you leave?

Don't sit here and
purge your feelings into my lap,
if you're going to take them back
in a mere five minutes.

Don't tell me you care,
if your secretly hoping
I'll quickly move on.
It's not going
to heal this constant pain.

I need you here.
I need you to hold onto my soul,
and show me how much you care.
My hands are outstretched
into the never-ending sky,
pleading for your
gentle smile.

Day by day, my fears
quietly increase,
and cause me to toss and turn,
throughout the endless nights.

What if you grow irritated
and furious with my
childish behaviors?
What if you forget the way we've
felt and the moments we've shared?
Where will that leave me?

You're always too far out of reach,
and I don't have the
effort to try harder, anymore.

I stare at the clock, and
watch the time flash by,
so quickly it hurts to watch.
Can't you please slow down for me?
They'll come around, I swear.
The ticking hands scornfully
mock my plea, and
laugh at my foolish attempts.
Time doesn't slow down for anyone.

Another minute gone,
and you're still so many miles away.
Are you going to leave me waiting here



  1. Oh ash, what happened darling? i am so sorry if you are feeling this way... i hope he'll slow down and wait for you. i'm here if you want to talk. i love you, you know that, do you?

    p.s. i really love your profile picture.

  2. Breathe in the bright May air, allow yourself to be filled by its courage. Lets not live for "what if"s; for broken promises and shattered dreams. Let us set our hearts on the starts, and not stop trying until we've found home. Don't numb the pain, but quieten the insecurities. I know it's scary to open yourself up to being hurt, but it's always worth it at the time. <3

  3. Hey I just skimmed through your blog.... don't really know you... but I thought I'd let you know that, looking at your goals... you don't need to lose weight!!! Please don't think that's important, you are incredibly beautiful. The end.

  4. Sometimes I stare at the clock and pretend it's just for decoration; that the little hands going around are meaningless. (It never works.)

    I am genuinely so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I had advice to give you but I've so little experience of my own. *hugs*

  5. Ashley,

    you just spoke from my soul. Thank you for expressing what I was unable to. Your words are so so beautiful.

    ~ Meg

  6. The constant, merciless flow of time really can be frustrating and difficult to follow... but it can help too, giving us a moment to breathe and time to heal old wounds. Your words are so powerful, even if they are sad. I'm hoping, with all my heart, that your pain will fade.



Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.