Sunday, July 3, 2011

i know i'm alone now.

i run frantically through the pouring rain until
my feet clumsily s l i p from underneath my chaotic body.
i quickly fall, and i stumble right onto my shaking knees.

my hands tremble, and my eyes gently
fill with pools of water;
threatening to show such a powerful sign of
absolute weakness.
i begin screaming at the top of my lungs,
and cursing the day you walked into my
inadequate life.
it was so impossible to please you.

as i yell at the sky with the dark clouds above me,
the thunder mocks my cries, telling
me that you never truly cared.
my wrists show scars and wounds of confusion,
as the rain continually falls down around me.
i fumble back to my feet, and try to regain whatever
strength i can scrape up from the bottom of my rusted soul.
how did we turn into this?

running faster and faster,
just trying to escape this person you morphed me into.
slowly losing balance and all sense of control,
flailing my feet faster and harder than my
soul can take.
i could never keep up with your speed.

i'm still here, alone and lost,
while you're 50 paces ahead, with her planted firmly
by your side.
i begin to feel queasy as you silently look over your shoulder,
always attempting to keep me close enough to see,
but never close enough to touch.
for a moment i can see your eyes, crystal clear
and glowing like the sea.
you always knew how to leave me breathless.

before i know it, the day dream is s h a t t e r e d ,
and i have fallen.
all i can see is dark, wet pavement.
soon the puddle becomes a river, and your
jagged shadow becomes smaller and smaller,
as you quietly fade away.
you quickly look back once more,
but all i can see now is her hand gently laced within yours.
an intimidating black wave of water slowly engulfs my
entire body, as i give up the fight, and allow
the dark water to take over every inch of my
bruised and battered flesh.
i lay silently, drenched in an endless downpour of
nothing but scornful attempts and endless lies.

and now you wonder why something still doesn't feel right;
don't you remember what we had?



  1. Beautiful Ashley! I hate to say how stunning and gorgeous this piece is because of the pain throughout it. I thought things were going so well. This tore my heart into shreds, love.

    If you ever need someone to confide in, I'm here.
    I'm so very sorry.


  2. Oh god, this is beautiful. In so many ways.
    I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through, lovely.
    I wish, I wish I could take it all away, wrap you in a blanket and give you a warm cup of tea. They say, a cup of tea fixes everything.
    We'll figure it all out someday. There must be reason in this madness.
    The 'Hokey Cokey' can't really be what it's all about.


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