Monday, July 18, 2011

i'm still loving ghosts.

i toss and turn, every single night, just begging for my body to be calm,
 but it never happens. 
i run for endless hours over miles of un-even pavement, sweating, panting, choking;
i eat small amounts, s k i p  a meal here and there,
but i'll never be skinny.
i pile hair products all over my stingy hair, and smear make-up all over my barbaric face,
but i'm never pretty.
i jump up and down, using every ounce of energy i have to kiss the stars, 
but i always trip over my uncoordinated feet.
i try over and over to fix my broken parts, and turn myself into something admirable,
but nobody would ever notice.
i scream at the top of my lungs for a better tomorrow, with tears pouring down my swollen face,
but no one can hear me.
i try to be sincere and caring, just aching to keep a friendship alive,
but everyone continues to leave. 
i try so hard to please every single soul i come in contact with,
but nobody is ever pleased.

i'm fed up with trying. 



  1. I hear you.
    You are are so beautiful.
    Never stop trying, just refocus.
    Try loving yourself.
    It's super hard. I'm working on it though.
    Your words, they ring too true in my soul, it makes me weep.
    We can beat this, I know it, I feel it in my bones.
    They are weak and hollow but the will still hold me up.
    We may not know what to do, but we must keep going.
    If only for something to do.
    Try pleasing yourself. <3

  2. loving ghosts is lonelier than loving a painful memory. Ashley, you are beautiful inside and out, strong, and I will not stop telling you this until you believe it.

    we all have ups and downs, and whatever mood you are in, i will always stay beside you. love you ashley.

  3. Let's face it, we are never going to be completely the person that some people (or even our own self) will want us to be. People have strange expectations. *shrugs* Please don't be so hard on yourself! It's not worth breaking your back in trying. You are a beautiful girl. You really are. I wish there was something I could say to give you strength. *sigh* But I truly hope life gets brighter soon.


Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.