Wednesday, March 2, 2011

please don't be in love with someone else.

screw it.
screw phil.
screw all the stupid little minions that try to tear your soul a p a r t.
they don't matter.
think about all the happiness he gives you.
that's all that matters.

is it humanly possible for a person to be as beautiful as you are, sir?
you are oh so breathtaking and you make my heart melt at just the sound of your name; it should be illegal to posses so much goodness within one soul and mind.
i go through my horrible and occasionally good days, pacing the blank hallways that mimic my every sound. i scream on the inside, wishing for the day to be over. i can't stand school, or the burdening stress it brings upon me. i hate walking through the hallways feeling like i've got a million prying eyes on me, eager to attack. and then there's that one look; among all of the hateful and bitter faces, one look from him is all it takes to turn my entire day around. those beautiful brown eyes of his are enough to save me from even the worst of days. i don't like brown eyes, usually.. but they look absolutely magnificent on him. suddenly everything is okay, and school is worth the pain. oh, if i can just see that beautiful soul, everything is fine. the pain goes away, and happiness wraps around me gently like a feather quietly landing on a table.

i don't know how to describe what i feel for him.
it's just one of those things you simply can't put into one or two words. it's like seeing the sun set gently glide over enormous black mountains, as they whisper their goodbyes. like finding an abundance of shiny new presents underneath the christmas tree with bright bows and ribbons, just waiting to be unwrapped. like a delicate rose, just barely opening up to pour beauty upon every inch of the universe. it's as strong as stone, but as gentle as the sea as it slowly tickles a million delicate grains of sand. it's sweet like a peach on a hot summer day, and comforting like a warm blanket on a freezing winter night. it's knowing that nothing else in the world matters because as long as he's in it, nothing can be that bad...

but i am horrified...
i simply do not measure up to him. he is far better than i will ever be. his beauty shines within the darkest of places, while i have hardly any beauty to posses. there's nothing good about me, like there is about him. he gives the word perfection a completely different meaning, and since i am so far behind him, i'm afraid he won't even consider being my friend... but oh, can't he see how beautiful it could be? him and me? we're so much alike, but on such different levels. we would get along so well, as we already do. i know i wasn't blessed with nearly half of the talents that he possesses, and will continue to develop. i know i wasn't blessed with any beauty, inner or outer, and i certainly wasn't blessed with a perfect mind and body. but i was blessed with a heart that has to capacity to love him.
so maybe by some, small, amazing, beautiful miracle...
he'll feel the same some day.

as of right now, all i can do is hope.



  1. The you describe him and compare him to such wonderful things... it's so sweet. :) You obviously care for him in a special kind of way.

    And you ARE beautiful inside and out! You write such beautiful words, you are so smart and unique. And as for your outer beauty... You have this gorgeous soft ash-blonde hair that glows in the sunlight and is always perfectly styled. You have the most stunning eyes. They're big and beautiful and I've noticed that they change color. From sky-blue to sea-green to stormy-gray. I don't look at anything but your eyes when I talk to you because they are just so pretty and compelling. You have a cute nose, plump naturally red lips, perfect skin, and long eyelashes. You dare say you have no beauty? HAH! LIES!

    Anyways... you're right about you two being so alike. Your talents, your ideas, your likes/dislikes... they're perfectly balanced and connected. :) You've already had your little moments with him (virtually or in person) and more are sure to come. Keep that wonderful hope you have, and it will be sure to shine into one of the most magical relationships you will ever have. You're right. Phil and his minions shouldn't have to be your main focus anymore. Hold onto the happiness you've found; it'll bloom into something worth waiting for. :)


  2. Oh yeah... forgot to add something. There's this quote I once read somewhere:

    "Do not dwell on people of the past. There's a reason they never made it to your future."


  3. I agree with Becca... And though I do not know you as long as she did, I know that you have a wonderful, sweet soul... A soul that sees other people's beauty, and tears and fears (even if that person is the reason why you are crying)... Dove, I said this before and i won't mind saying this over and over again... Ashley, you deserve to be happy. I can't tell you to stop feeling hurt, but at least i can tell you to smile... You are worth the world, and all the beautiful things it can bring... for now, babe, look at the things and the persons that make you feel better and complete... i love you... i wish i can hug you right now...

  4. p.s. haha! i really think that "guy" is beautiful to have make your heart glow like that! darling, i can sense the hopefulness in your title. time is running dear, please tell him to make a move! haha!

  5. You have a lovely blog. I am a new follower, but I am already in love with your words.
    I have given you an award dear, in my latest post. I do hope you like it!
    is the address :)

  6. Becca; I don't even know where to start with you.
    You're perfect. I love you. <3

    Haze; Your words are so beautiful! Thank you so much for your continuous comments. Haha. I wish I could push him faster or show him how I really feel, but I'm afraid I'll just have to be patient and let time do it's thing...
    Thank you for your comment. I love you. <3

    Ever; Thank you! Yay new follower! Haha. Oh thank you so very much! I am definitely following you now.



Though I may not reply to all of your comments, I read each and every one of them.
Your words mean so much to me.