please don't be in love with someone else.

screw it.
screw phil.
screw all the stupid little minions that try to tear your soul a p a r t.
they don't matter.
think about all the happiness he gives you.
that's all that matters.

is it humanly possible for a person to be as beautiful as you are, sir?
you are oh so breathtaking and you make my heart melt at just the sound of your name; it should be illegal to posses so much goodness within one soul and mind. i go through my horrible and occasionally good days, pacing the blank hallways that mimic my every sound. i scream on the inside, wishing for the day to be over. i can't stand school, or the burdening stress it brings upon me. i hate walking through the hallways feeling like i've got a million prying eyes on me, eager to attack. and then there's that one look; among all of the hateful and bitter faces, one look from him is all it takes to turn my entire day around. those beautiful brown eyes of his are enough to save me from even the worst of days. i don't like brown eyes, usually.. but they look absolutely magnificent on him. suddenly everything is okay, and school is worth the pain. oh, if i can just see that beautiful soul, everything is fine. the pain goes away, and happiness wraps around me gently like a feather quietly landing on a table.

i don't know how to describe what i feel for him.

it's just one of those things you simply can't put into one or two words. it's like seeing the sun set gently glide over enormous black mountains, as they whisper their goodbyes. like finding an abundance of shiny new presents underneath the christmas tree with bright bows and ribbons, just waiting to be unwrapped. like a delicate rose, just barely opening up to pour beauty upon every inch of the universe. it's as strong as stone, but as gentle as the sea as it slowly tickles a million delicate grains of sand. it's sweet like a peach on a hot summer day, and comforting like a warm blanket on a freezing winter night. it's knowing that nothing else in the world matters because as long as he's in it, nothing can be that bad...

but i am horrified...

i simply do not measure up to him. he is far better than i will ever be. his beauty shines within the darkest of places, while i have hardly any beauty to posses. there's nothing good about me, like there is about him. he gives the word perfection a completely different meaning, and since i am so far behind him, i'm afraid he won't even consider being my friend... but oh, can't he see how beautiful it could be? him and me? we're so much alike, but on such different levels. we would get along so well, as we already do. i know i wasn't blessed with nearly half of the talents that he possesses, and will continue to develop. i know i wasn't blessed with any beauty, inner or outer, and i certainly wasn't blessed with a perfect mind and body. but i was blessed with a heart that has to capacity to love him.

so maybe by some, small, amazing, beautiful miracle...
he'll feel the same some day.


as of right now, all i can do is hope.

xx